So kids,
over this weekend is going to be super.

There's a photoshoot.
Then a show.
Then its a PARTAY! :D

Can someone have that much fun in so little time?
Yes I think so, it is so happening :]

YAY!! I've made very cool new friends, and I love it.

Magazine plans are going awesome ...
LIKE BEYOND AWESOME!
I couldn't ask for more.


I have SO many reasons to be thankful. :D

                                                                              

Nothing is ever too much? is it? HA!

Recently, I've gotten a little taste of what it is to have "the best of both words" that I wanted so much.
Not that I've been going around being famous or anything, but I had to do an interview last week [with some great girls - which
I don't want to say who, because I want to to be a surprise for the magazine] and I have been working on this magazine thing, and just
pretty much relaxing.  Now, this morning I woke up about an hour ago, with horrible stomach pains, and not being able to go back to sleep
go me thinking.  I only really have another week or so of spring break left, and I really have accomplished nothing.  Like I still have so so so much to do, dealing with my "alternate ego" and also with my regular "personal" life and so little time left.  I still have not bettered my skills at trying to teach myself how to play the keyboard.  I still have so much editing to do... and it was only my FIRST magazine interview!  My uncle is coming to visit us for a few days next week, and I totally have not cleaned up to welcome him.  I so need to practice my guitar some more, Andrew's summer project of having a band is so not going to work out if his second guitarist/second vocalist/screamer is doing crappy guitar work.  I have to work on my fashion blog some more,  I want to apply for internships at like magazines - and sloppy work over all is NOT going to impress them (there's a lot of competition out there).  I need to save money for a phone, and quit spending it on random worthless garbage.  I have to do reading, and other homework before I go back to school - I want to prepare well so that I have a good rest of the semester.  To this, add that I can't even count for two days in my week cos of doctor's appointments.  UGH! it is so frustrating.  I want to do SO much and I have like NO time, and really I can't seem to finish anything I begin - I definitely need more discipline in my life!  I want to study life patters, view the colors, speak with others, read, learn, create, love, hate, speak, present, observe, meet, buy, save, schedule, plan, rest, taste, walk, feel, look, etc. etc. etc. AND THERE'S NO TIME!!!! :(

I won't even be able to go to the Bamboozle because of lack of money - and let me tell you -- that's like the biggest let down of my life.
I fucking love music, and I would punch someone on the nose to go (and I'm so not a violent person ... most of the time) - but I would still do it -- but, the odds are against me this time.

It is exciting, I'm not going to lie - GREAT AMAZING things await me this year ...
but as of right now, I feel like I can't breathe ... and my hands are tide behind my back -
I wish I at least had two more weeks of freedom, or at least a personal assistant ...
but all I can do at the moment is, quit my bitchin' and just clinch my claws in the doe of life and
start working on it... like REALLY start working ... OD.
...All these preparations for my big break :]


                                                                        

This break is doing me so much good.

I so needed to break away from school, from the pressure, from the everyday crap that tends to ruin my skin.
But, honestly without it - I would not be able to live my "double life".

If I didn't have school, other friends, or lived where I live - I wouldn't be able to "get away"
and then come back to my regular life like nothing happened.  And I don't want to get rid of that feeling.

Not that I am a celebrity myself, [although, don't count that off you books just yet]
but I love the feeling of being around them, thinking about them, and joining them in their natural [healthy] habitat.

It's enchanting really, like - good clean fun is not that hard to get, and I absolutely love it when people don't go
the extra mile to have it - its kinda just there.  2009 is bringing many many surprises, and for the most part - I'm in love.

:]

                                        

Last night was amazing.
The bands were beyond amazing,
the crowd was super super into it --
the shoving and kicking and pushing and smothering was NOT absent --
and it was an amazing AMAZING night :]




I hope there's something like it very very soon -
I want to go to another show so so bad --
I love the passion, the sweat, and the music out of these places ---
they remind me that its beautiful to be alive.

Fuck drugs -- good music, and good friends = the ultimate high :]


oh, and I was touching this kid's calf when he jumped on the bar lol
and I was having the time of my life doing so!




I fucking love it --- FUCKING FUCKING love it :D

Last week was fun.
I saw my friends, I guess I should have take a picture with Andrea, but there's always time for that.

I saw Daniel.


...and I went to see Janice - she's pretty amazing :]


--it was a great week.  April's going to be super!
So far, I have Devil Wears Prada Plans!!! :D


...and possible adventures/misadventures with my
twin, and our double identities.



...I need a wig.  And some killer new shades.
And a freaken kick ass wardrobe.


...oh yea! and Black is coming!! :D



My friends are amazing.
You should meet them.

I love it, I love it so much.
Sacriligeous bride.


That's just beautiful.
Eyelashes coated in snow.
Dead iced maidens.

                                                                                                                                                                            

This is what I'm desperately searching for.  To be part of this.



...and of course this too.  Good friends is always the best thing you can get from this experience.

Can you break me off a piece of this?  That would be lovely....gee thanks, you're so nice.

What the hell am I still doing here.
Shouldn't I be famous somewhere by now?  Like no joke, where's my fame.

Like, all I really want is to make art.
I could be cold, lonely, hungry and extremely needy,
but if I just had my pen and paper to get my lyrics and my art across the world,
I would be extremely happy.

My family rejects me, I am super unpopular around these lairs because of how
different I am - and I want to leave so bad - and I just need to find a way to make it work -

It's like my chance for change is about to come, but it never quite finishes coming,
it's always on its way, but it never comes.

Come change, come.  Be my hero - since I have nothing to believe in,
be the one thing I can.  Please. I really do have nothing to believe in - and
I feel that I'm the only person than can save me from myself -
the Holden Caulfield in my life never came -- and I have to do this myself,
as scary as is it -- I have to do this myself.
                                        
                                                                                    

I can still see the lies blowing like chunks coming out of your mouth -






...even when you're quiet -



I've been searching for someone to believe in--




...just love me, as much as you can. Love me.



                                             

I have absolutely no energy to do anything [school work].  I want to say that I want to take the day off tomorrow, but I can't be absent from school - plus I have a group presentation and I refuse to let my group down.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I am so ready to live the life of those people that are so loved and wanted, those people called celebrities.  But I think it's all for the wrong reasons.  I want to be famous, not for the fame but for the attention and the love, if that makes any sense.  I want to be famous to show the world what I can do and what is inside my mind, and to show that I am not just another robot created by a capitalist society which my professor continues to insist on.  I want to show others what I can come up with, awe the world with bizarre insinuations of a new kind of person, but I don't even know where to begin.  I want the fame to be able to have access to the friendship of many other people that like me had the necessity to do what I want to do, and maybe share passions and projects.  And I want to do all this while living a double life.  I want the excitement of showing the world one face, but then being able to come down from that high and just go to school and work like everyone else.  I know it night sound a little "Hanna Montana" but I've been having thoughts like these since I can remember, and I am not about to change them now.  I want it, and I want it all.  I need it, for my sake - I want to be a legend, I want to be immortal while still keeping my mortality.  
Music.
Writing.
Fashion.
I dab in everything, and nothing at the same time.  I have an undying passion, and I need to learn how to make
this atomic bomb explode and unleash my creativity to everyone.  But for some reason I can't - I am unable to.  I need to learn how to do so before its too late, before this all just becomes a simple anecdote.